Check out the new blog!

This was fun... but I'm sorry... We have to break up.  I've started a new blog to kinda talk about the crazy everyday things that are on my mind.  I caution you though... if you get into my head, you might never get back out.  Come visit me over here------> at this blog now and of course... catch me on Facebook.  But not Twitter.  Twitter is from the devil.
http://themakeupnazi.blogspot.ca

Hold on to your panties...

So... I'm thinking that this whole "Big Crazy 40" thing has to continue.  I miss the traveling, the writing, the crazy ideas from my friends.. so guess what?  I think we have to keep going.  After all, I'm 40 all year, aren't I?  And do any of you REALLY think I'm going to stop doing crazy things just because I'm not celebrating anything specific?  No.  I didn't think so.

So hold on to your panties, boys and girls... this is now my soapbox.  

My next big events are: 
1.  Get on Big Brother Canada (I need your help with this! More info later.)
2.  Los Angeles, California in January.  (We will need a whole new list for this trip!)
3.  Start a new blog: "100 Weird Things I Gotta Do" or "Debby Does..."

Stay tuned!

Debby

Final Tally

UPDATE!  

Here's the updated list of what I actually accomplished on my Road Trip to Nowhere.  Thank you to all of you who took part in my adventure!

Debby's Big Crazy 40

.... 40th Birthday Solo Roadtrip to Nowhere Scavenger Hunt

1. Toss a regret in a bottle into the ocean  DONE! but amended 
2. Toss a love letter in a bottle into the ocean.   DONE! but amended
3. Ride a mechanical bull.
4. Ride in a police car.   DONE!  
5. Ride on a fire truck.   DONE!  
6. Sleep at a Walmart with RV'ers.   DONE!  
7. Spend time in a jail.
8. Eat at a soup kitchen and then donate $10 on the way out.
9. Pass out a dozen flowers to strangers.  Amended: Gave $10 to Luis at Denny's
10. Give a meal to a homeless person.
11. Dress like a hooker and go shopping in a high end store, like Pretty Woman.
12. Go to a biker bar.   DONE!  
13. Get a picture with a tough looking biker.   DONE!  
14. Get a free drink.   DONE!  
15. Get a free meal.   DONE!   (About 5 times)
16. Give $1 to a male stripper.
17. Get a picture with a cop. Extra points for donuts in pic.   DONE!  
18. Get a picture with the mayor (any town).
19. Get picture with a mascot.
20. See how many wedding dresses I can try on before making the girl crazy. Leave a gift.   DONE!  
21. Sing Karaoke. Extra points for dance moves.
22. Stay the night somewhere haunted.
23. Pay for a drive thru order behind me then speed away.   DONE!  
24. Hang a picture of my "art" in a public place with my email address on it.
25. Get on the news/in newspaper.
26. Interview & photograph someone for my "Canadian magazine" article.   DONE!  
27. Serve food at a diner. Collect tips.   DONE!  
28. Crash a wedding.
29. Sleep at a truck stop. 
30. Have a drink at Cheer's and ask if Norm's there.
31. Get makeovers. Tell them you're going for the "whore look".   DONE!   twice!
32. Picket in a picket line... no matter what the cause
33. Have a bachelorette party. Wear tee shirt and tiara. See how many friends I can make.  
34. Go to a Walmart and put super sexy lingerie in a senior's cart. That or condoms.   DONE!  
35. Skinny dip.   DONE!  
36. Leave a "safe sex" display of goodies in the baby section. Take pictures of passersby.   DONE!  except the pics
37. Stay at a youth/traveler hostel.
38. Put random items in someone's shopping cart.   DONE!  
39. Wear "Hugs for Charity, Hugs $1" tee shirt. Donate proceeds to soup kitchen.
40. Bubble bath in public fountain.  DONE!  (Amended: only had sanitizer.)


So... all in all, I accomplished just over half of the list of suggestions, 21 to be exact.  Not bad for a 5 night road trip.  I guess I'll just have to save the rest for my 50th birthday... or next vacation with Mark.  Now wouldn't that be a hoot!


Thanks guys!  Loved having you all participate with me on this.  :)


Stay crazy,


D.

Life is Clothing Optional

It`s Sunday.  I arrived back in town Friday night but this has been the soonest I could get back to my blog to fill in the last few details of the Road Trip to Nowhere.  Forgive me.  Or not.  I don`t care... just keep your clothes on. 

Let`s go back: Friday morning.  The last day of the crazy road trip.  I`m tired out and can barely see straight.  Nevertheless I got crap to do.  I got people waiting for those last few items on my list to be checked off.  I`ve got millions and millions of fans depending on me!  Ok... Maybe 20 or 30 semi interested if there is nothing on TV at the time.  

I hop in my van around 9, after a great sleep and breakfast at Maple Hill (PS: They have a clothing optional sign at their hot tub.  What is it about Maine and nudity??)  It has rained overnight and 90% of my birthday markings have been washed away off my van.  The inside is completely trashed from my neglect and I start thinking about what Mark is going to say when I get home.  I leave anyways.

Along the way, I stop in Bangor to buy out the whole cosmetic section at Big Lots (mascara $1!) , fill up the van and buy lunch secretly for the guy in the pick up truck behind me in line at McDonalds.  Thank God he only ordered nuggets and fries because I'm just about broke.

At the border, the customs guy asks if I was at a wedding or something while eyeing my smudged out writing on the van windows.  I say no.  He asks more questions.  I reply in short answers until I can't take the seriousness anymore and show him my list along with my passport.  It's the first time I've ever seen a customs agent smile.  He looked at the windows again and said, "I sure hope that stuff comes off."  Does he know my husband??

While driving home I took my letter of regrets and love letter, tore it to little bits and threw it into the river while speeding over it.  It was like celebration confetti and I thought to myself that this is a celebration from my regrets.  The past is over and this is the New Year's celebration to a new year.  No looking back.

I had so much fun and adventure on my trip.  Yes... I would do it all again, even the creepy naked bed and breakfast, even the sweating my ovaries off sleeping at Walmart, everything.  I think if I miss my adventures once I get home, I'm just gonna go to Walmart and toss condoms into carts and take pictures.  This time I'm going to follow them to the check out line.  :)

I urge you all to do something crazy this week.  Life is too short to be so busy, so serious all the time.  I've heard over and over again this week from my awesome stranger friends how "life is too short", "we only live once", etc... and you know, they're right.  And the thing is... we don't have to drive a million miles to get a little crazy... let's start at home.  

I'm happy I could make so many people smile this week.  I'm glad to have heard their stories.  I'm looking forward to the next 40 years... my way.  

Thanks for reading and taking part of my adventures.

Debby

Still Thursday.

After sanitizing the fountain at Old Orchard Beach, I decided to go for a walk and explore the area and it's natives more.  I met some great folks like this Grateful Dead groupie couple..... and some stoners that made me a deepfried oreo, and some pizza place girls working on the boardwalk.  Everyone had a story and everyone signed my shirt and listened to my adventures. I wish I could remember them all.   Next time I bring a video camera.

On my way out of OOB, I saw some firemen washing their truck...and their station house was attached to guess what??  I police station!  SCORE!!  I parked the car, went up to the first cute fireman I saw and showed him my list and asked him if I could get a few pictures.  The good old sport not only let me on his truck, but also signed my shirt, got his buddy to do the same and then went inside to get a couple of Scarborough's finest to come out and let me get my pic and ride in the car.  What good sports.  I'm glad I stopped.

On my way to Augusta for the night, people continued to honk and wave and I enjoyed every minute of it.  I rolled into Maple Hill Farm around supper time and jumped into the "clothing optional" hot tub right away to check off another item on my list... since many have cried "mistrial" over my topless adventure in Richmond.  Done.  I was then invited out to supper with my new friends from the south.  Did one thing have something to do with the other?  Who cares.  I got a free supper out of it.   

I can't wait to come back to the farm again.  Clothing or not.  It's the cleanest and coziest place on earth.  There's lamas, alpacas, sheep, chickens, horses, etc.  I love it.  If I didn't mind having company so much, I would start up a bed and breakfast.  But clothing would have to be non-optional.  I don't like sticky buns anymore.

Happy Birthday to Me.

Thursday.  Oh my gawd, I'm 40.  The dreaded day is finally here.  It's the new F-word.  

Shag it.  I'm going to Denny's for my free birthday breakfast.  But first, I have to paint my van.  After consulting with my legal advisor (Thanks, Mark), I agreed that I would only write on the back and side windows of the van.  I wrote "Honk to wish me a happy 40th birthday" on the back window and more hearts and 40's on the sides.  The van wasn't a Dodge anymore by the time I was done with it... it was a Davinci.

I was only a few kilometers along my route to Denny's when I heard some wild honking.  A guy edged up beside me waving excitedly.  I rolled down my passenger window  and he said "Happy Birthday!  It's her birthday, too, but she's not forty.  She's five." pointing at the little girl waving in the back seat.  We drove in tandem at about 125 km/hour having this conversation, shouting at the top of our lungs, giving the thumbs up.  It was energizing.

After a few more honks, waves and peace signs, I pulled into the Dollar Tree to buy some scissors to make amendments to my birthday tshirt.  If I was going to wear this all day, it had to be a lot cuter.  I cut the arms off, cut out the neck and made cute little ties at the shoulders and chopped off the bottom.  Now, I looked worthy for my fancy Denny's breakfast.

I pulled into the parking lot and was immediately met by three older ladies going for breakfast.  They yelled out birthday wishes and asked my some questions about my trip.  One of them told me to not worry about turning 40, it was 50 that you had to watch out for.  I'm already making my plans for that.  

While eating my free breakfast, I over heard at the next table that there was a birthday there as well.  Of course I had to go over and wish the boy a happy birthday.  Luis was turning 10 today and was on his way to Six Flags.  They had seen my van and wanted to get a picture with me.  I told him I needed him to sign my shirt, he was too shy at first but then after his mom signed it, he was practically bouncing in his seat wanting to be next.  All the waitresses and cook came out to sign my shirt and ask me about my trip and wish me happy birthday.  It was great!  I felt the love.  Before I left, I gave Luis a big hug and the ten dollars my friend had given me to buy flowers to pass out (this was better) and then ran back to my van to get my glass markers.  I came back in and gave the markers to Luis and it made his day.  It was so fun to see him so happy.  This is what life is about.

I continued my drive to Old Orchard, waving, honking and thumbs up all along the way.  I had lost count after 100 and didn't try to keep count any more.  I was just enjoying feeling the love and good wishes from complete strangers.  There are some really great sports out there.

I decided I wanted to check off a few more things off my list and went an hour or so up the road to Old Orchard Beach for some birthday fried dough and to find a fountain.  I didn't have any bubble bath so I dumped in some hand sanitizer.  People were everywhere even though it was a really cloudy day and started to drizzle......

To be continued tomorrow... 

Wednesday, part deux.

Walmart is my playground.  I can literally amuse myself for hours in there.  I grabbed a cart and looked around for my first victim.  I honed in on a middle aged woman who left her cart in the middle of the aisle while she went into the cereal aisle to grab some items.  Silly woman.  I didn't have any time to get condoms yet so I grabbed some of my favourite chocolate, Ferroro Rocher, bulk size and leisurely tossed them in.  My heart was  pounding in my chest as I pulled around again and snapped a picture.  #38... check!  I was so proud of myself.



I was on a total high so I went to the health aisle and grabbed 3 packages of condoms.  My goal was to disperse them into unknowing customers carts while they were shopping at then get a picture of them.  One lady I had tailed forever and finally had the opportunity to throw them in.  I had to go back again and get a shot of them in her cart.  This was almost more difficult than popping them in there.  I had to pretend that I was on my phone and not actually stalking her.  By my 17th time "bumping" into her, I asked her if she knew where the shampoo aisle was and got my pictures.

I was excited.  I then changed targets and worked on an old lady with a cane.  I figure that would be a great one.   I followed her into the sock department, the jewellery department and halfway accross the store before I had a chance to get her unaware.  I could've stolen her purse about a dozen times.  I wish I had time to stay at the check out watching their reaction as they put their surprise items on the belt.  Sigh.
I stalked a man for what seemed to be years, but I was running out of time.  I haven't stalked a man like that since I first started dating.  Felt good to be back in the game.

I left my retail playground and drove about 10 minutes awy to meet my new friends Greg and Denise at the grogeous Miss Mendon Diner.  I took a booth in the middle of the car and put out their party hats and blower thingies.  I had changed into my birthday shirt and shorts and tiara in the van at the Walmart parking lot and I was excited to see them again.  We had such a fun time at the A1 Diner earlier this week.  They're such good sports and eagerly put on their party hats, signed my birthday shirt and checked out my list.  The waitresses signed my shirt and sang happy birthday to me and brought me birthday cake... with a candle.  Awww!!  I tell you, the kindness of strangers and the fun that his been brought out in people these past few days has been incredible.  Denise & Greg even bought me a delicious fried chicken dinner (best fries I've EVER had) and stayed for 3 hours being silly, chatting and getting pictures with Lady Leadfoot.  It was the best "last minute" birthday party I've ever had.

Lady Leadfoot was sitting at the counter reading a romance novel with earplugs in her ears.  She looked like she didn't want to be disturbed.  She looked like she could kill a man wiht her bare hands.  She looked like just the right person to be my next target.  As she was settling her bill, I cornered her and explained to her a bit about my birthday adventures, showed her my to do list and told her that I would love for her to be my number 13.   Well, not only did I get a picture with her, but with her and her Hog and her whole life story.  Lady Leadfoot, who answers to no other name, used to be in the military along with her husband and was touring around visiting some relatives all day on her bike since 730 in the morning.  This was the first time she had eaten all day.  She told me about her family, her work, her travels while our supper was getting cold, and I loved it.  I took some pictures, a couple of videos and tried to edge back  into the restaurant... they should call her Lady Leadlips cuz that gal can talk.

It's so cool how everyone has a story... and everyone wants to tell it.  Even to a perfect stranger from far away asking them to do weird things.  There are so many good sports in this world,  and so many people who just want someone to listen to their stories.  And nobody is ever what they seem to be at all.

I love it.

Wednesday...the final day before the F-Word.

Wednesday... the final day before 40.

After a good night's sleep, I made some arrangements for my final night's stop in Hallowell, Maine.  Maple Hill Farm Inn has been on my list of places to stay at for years, and it has just never worked out.  It's an award winning in, voted the best in New England, actually, so I think it's perfect for my final night and a little bit of luxury will be welcomed on my birthday.  I can't wait to stay in a place I don't have to park in front of.
I made my way towards Ikea in Stoughton, MA.  It's about 40 minutes away on a very faced paced free way.  I made a stop for a late breakfast at a truck stop Mcdonalds.  The best I could find at 1230 was a cinnamelt and an OJ.  Reminder: Wake up earlier.

$2.59 Ikea Meal

On my way, I stopped at the party store to pick up some birthday accessories for tomorrow.  I found this great birthday shirt inviting people to sign the back and a 40th birthday tiara.  I have the shirt half filled already.  I looked over the over-the-hill products and made a mental reminder to thank myself for going on this trip.  I would've rather to have slid down a slide made of razor blades than to have to endure a torturous party filled with such cruel pranky gifts.  Thank God I'm smart.

What??

I spent the next four hours filling my cart at Ikea, having a ridiculously cheap lunch and snack and sitting in amazingly decorated and organized rooms dreaming that this was my NYC studio apartment.  Isn't amazing what they can do with 300 square feet??  Did you know I had lunch for $2.59?  It consisted of a scoop of mashed potatoes, 5 meatballs, corn bread and a pop.  If we had an Ikea in Moncton, I wouldn't bother to buy groceries... we'd just go there every day for lunch.

My dream creative room

Before I knew it, it was alreay 5 o'clock and I still had an hour's drive to meet up wiht my new friends from Rhode Island for supper at Miss Mendon's Diner.  It was Boston rush hour and I was knee deep in some crazy traffic.  It all worked out well and I even had a bit of time to zip into Wallyworld to buy some window markers and shorts to match my birthday tshirt... and ofcourse... to play some pranks.

.... to be continued.

Day 3: Christine Columbus has Crashed

Tuesday

I am starting to get nervous.  I've only been able to accomplish a quarter of the fantastic list you've all helped me put together.  I fear I will certainly need another trip to do them.

I am sitting in my air conditioned room at the Red Roof Inn in Southborough, MA, a suburb of Boston.  It's hot enough to crack me open and fry my guts on a sidewalk.  All the phones are down after a gigantic thunderstorm and I couldn't be more thankful that I didn't arrange to go camping.

I left the flea bag Anchorage Inn this morning around 11 and jumped onto the highway without first finding breakfast.  Well, 45 minutes later and there was still nothing on the way, so I got desperate and turned off in Haverhill for another McShitty lunch.  If I see another Mcdonald's, I will kill Ronald myself.

I decided to stop in to the bank to get more $$$ for my stay at the motel tonight ($64, not bad and still way better than last night.)  I also saw a Target nearby and decided that maybe it was time to try to do 36 and 38.  I gathered some questionable sex related items in my cart... 3 pregnancy tests, KY jelly, a pleasure pack of condoms, and some other items I'm not sure of what they are used for, and walked around the store.  I followed an older lady for a while waiting for my perfect moment to slip a jumbo pack of pecker jackets into her cart.  No deal.  She held onto that cart like she was Leonardo DiCaprio hanging onto the raft in The Titanic.  I almost had another lady cornered in the children's section, but there were too many workers nearby for me to work my stealth.  Drats!  The store also had only about 12 people in there and if I had been caught red-handed, there would've been no easy escape.  I saw a Walmart on my way out today so I will try again tomorrow.

I did manage to set up a nice little safe sex display in Target's baby section.  And I did get a picture.  This didn't prove to be much of a challenge so I look forward to my time at Walmart tomorrow.
I left Target and was on my way to Southborough for my 2 nights at Red Roof Inn.  I checked in and checked out my room at the back of the hotel.  As soon as I opened my car door, a group of young fellas was eyeing me, making me a bit nervous, and commenting on my suitcase.  They wanted to know what the city was on the front.  It had the Statue of Liberty on it.  Really?  You really don't know what city that is in?  Needless to say, I changed my room to the front of the hotel nearest the office.  I don't need to worry about hoodlums, thanks, as friendly as they tried to be.

The rest of the evening was relaxing as I walked 10 million miles at the Natick mall... a gigantic enourmous mall that's probably 10 times bigger than our puny Champlain Place.  I harrassed the girls at MAC, Sephora, Lord & Taylors makeup counter, and then went to the Cheesecake Factory for a much too late supper.  I was excited to go, as it is Sheldon's favorite restaurant and we had gone there once before and the nachos we had were great... but this time, my meal was tasteless and even though the waiter had brought me out a lunch portion, it was still too large.  I am finding this to be a trend lately... huge portions.  There are small Indonesian families that could share just one of the CF's meals.
Maybe I'm just tired from the night before, or maybe I'm just needing a little bit of R&R... but I am worn out from my adventure already and I haven't even gotten half the list done.  Or maybe it's just an excuse to get to go on another adventure?

You decide.  I'm going to bed.

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire.

Monday

Where do I start?  I guess the two fat naked people at the breakfast table would be as good a starting point as anything.  I woke up at Richmond Sauna B&B after an uneventful night's sleep in my pretty sea captain's home.  Forgetting my toothpaste in the van, I ventured down to the kitchen to ask the owner if I could borrow some.  I heard voices, and was thinking about having some sticky buns with the other guests that I heard were staying there as well but still haven't met.   Well, sticky buns was right... but I changed my mind about having some.  The sticky buns I was seeing was those of a very large lady and her naked husband, sitting at the kitchen table in conversation with Richard.  To say the least, I was shocked.  I said good morning, thanked Richard for the toothpaste and went upstairs to throw up.

I left Richmond and backtracked a few miles to the A1 Diner in Gardiner.  I took some great pictures outside of it perilously perched on stilts upon the bridge (CRAZY!) and then went in to sit at the counter.  Mike, the owner passed me on to the cutest, patient waitress who let me ask her a million questions and gave me a free lunch.  Meanwhile, I met a great diner crazy couple, Greg and Denise, from Rhode Island who were on a little adventure of diner hunting and visiting Maine.  She heard my conversation with the waitress and started asking me questions about my trip.  Poor girl didn't knw what she was getting herself into.  To make a long story short, she invited me to sit with her and Greg and we talked for over 2 hours.  Denise is in marketing and loves photography and diners, and Greg is a musician, audio guy and get this... he got his license online to marry people!  He said it took 20 minutes and now he can marry people.  See what I mean?  You meet the neatest people when you travel.

At the end of lunch, we exchanged contact info and may meet tomorrow for lunch... hopefully at a diner.
I scooted down route 1 to Portland for my 4 PM appointment at David's Bridal.  I went in with a whole big lie and thought it was going to fall apart when Jodi, my salesgirl, pushed a questionaire towards me for her records.  When it asked for the groom's name, etc, I simply looked at her with deep seriousness and said, "I'm just going to leave that blank right now.  I'm not sure if I can put that info on here or not.  It's a bit messy."

She didn't even blink.

Jodi, asked me a million questions about my upcoming fake wedding and God should strike me down for all the lies I told her.  So far, I was having a New Year's Eve wedding in New Brunswick, and was considering Vegas for our honeymoon.  She brought out these enormous princess dresses and I tried them on and told her i was concerned about overdoing it since i am not a young bride and it's my second marriage.  We found some cute tea-length dresses and I fell in love.  We tried on some red satin shoes and red sashes, and I fell in love some more.  We added accessories, changed dresses a million times,  and talked more about my wedding plans.  By the end of the night, I had totally psyched myself out and had the entire event, bridesmaid dresses and all planned out.  I wanted to get married... for real.  Only one problem, I've been married now already for 21 years.

So... I almost walked out of there with a wedding dress and 3 bridesmaid dresses.  I didn't count on that happening.  Backfire.  But no worries, Mark, my current husband ;^) says he will marry me again next year in Vegas so I can buy that dress and have somewhere to wear it.  Isn't he the best?
It was almost 7 PM by the time I left there and I went to browse in Ulta (ofcourse) before driving down Route 1 in the almost dark to Bentley's Saloon for supper and hopefully a place to sleep in their campground.  Everything was getting ready to shut down and I was stranded with no camping spot and not willing to stay in their deserted looking motel.  However, 3 hours later I was wishing that I had.
I continued my way down route 1 for an hour or so, and had found nothing at all.  I was getting nervous.  I figured I would go down to Kittery and see if any RV'ers were staying at the outlets and go in to Mcdonald's there as well to let Mark know I was still alive.  I'm starting to hate McDonalds.  No... I already hated it long ago.  But what is a girl to do Wifi free?

Nobody was at the outlets, so I went to Portsmouth Walmart a few miles away to park at their 24 hour store with the other RV'ers.  Except that it was not 24 hours and the temperature was about 10 degrees hotter than it had been in Portland.  Not willing to be a gigantic pussy, I blew up my leaky bed again, covered my windows, opened them a crack and laid down sweating like whore in church.  I tried not to think about having to pee, because there were no washrooms nearby, but the more I willed myself not to think about it, the more I had to.  I laid there thinking how proud of myself I was for finally being a Walmart boondocker and saving motel money.  I laid there thinking about how you all were going to read my blog and wanted me to check that off my list.  I laid there, thinking what an idiot I was not to have made reservations at a nice airconditioned hotel.

I packed her up, headed to the Comfort Inn and $159 later, walked out of the door.  I was not paying that.  Headed to the next hotel, full.  Went next door to the world 's crappiest motel, The Anchorage Inn and was told a room would cost $119.  But no, sir... I have a coupon that says my room will be $79.  (Aren't  I smart for picking up that coupon book at ... yes... McDonald's.)  Sorry, Ma'am... I hate being called Ma'am... we can't use that coupon tonight as we are almost booked.  WTF???  Seriously???  Let me remind you, it's past midnight, I am hot, i am tired, I 've been lying all day and this punk tells me he won't honor the rate?  I went balistic... put my bitchy pants on and promptly told him to call his manager because I think she would want to know that she's pissing off a tour operator that brings 20 busses a year to Kittery to shop... and wouldn't she want me to bring my 40 passenger bus passengers here to stay instead of our usual spot accross the road?
I got my room for the coupon price.  I also made the poor fella pee himself.  Almost.

What's one more lie, right?  I'm already going to hell in a handbasket for all the lies at the bridal shop with poor sweet innocent Jodi.  I hope God forgives me one day for all my fibbing.  But not today... I'm not done yet.